2 posts tagged “jayallen”

so, this is completely ridiculous.  i'm now engaged to the greatest, sweetest, most fantastic guy on earth, and within minutes after he asks me how do i feel???  COMPLETELY ANXIETY RIDDEN!!  why, you ask?  good question.  it actually has nothing to do with him, nor our relationship.  it's purely stress about planning and paying for a wedding.  and it's overwhelming.

ah the modern world!  these days, especially in san francisco, people get married later in life.  so, frankly, that also often means that the couple getting married may very well have a larger income than their parents.  which really cancels out the entire reason for the tradition of parents of the bride paying for the wedding.  long ago, when crazy kids got married at 18 to 24 years of age, it made sense.  young couples had little to nothing and it made sense for parents and family to help get them off on the right foot.  there are myriad other reasons for the tradition of big ol' parents-of-the-bride-paid-for weddings, the persistence of which is purely due to commercialism and the bridal industry.  so, bottom line, its to be expected that a 32 year old woman and her 36 year old fiance pay for their own wedding.

and yet i fret.  why?  well, no matter how i look at it, we're going to be shelling out a fair chunk of money to throw a wedding that we are excited about for all of our family members and our good friends.  there are a thousand possibilities for weddings--no doubt.  but there are a few basic requirements that must be met:

1. we must have a wedding that 50+ members of our families can come to and enjoy
2. even if we cut our friends list way down, we'd still have to have at least 20 or so folks from that crowd.
3. we have to provide some sort of food or refreshments for those folks.  do the math in your head.
4. location has to be something that doesn't suck, and that we're at least excited about.

now i have no doubts that if i didn't have a job i could cleverly craft the shit out of this event for a very low price.  but even a low price won't be so low that i wouldn't have to save up something.  which me brings me to the greatest irony of this whole event.  jay and i would really like to buy a condo/house/apt.  naturally, that requires saving up too.  so now, our need to have a wedding that satisfies a certain set of requirements and our desire to establish ourselves and buy real estate, are in direct competition.  that's ridiculous, but it's reality.

2 years from now i won't really care about any of this because i know we'll work the whole thing out.  but seriously folks, am i the only one that finds the whole situation annoyingly and irritatingly ironic?

your feedback and ideas are welcome and appreciated.

microstrategy and i have parted ways.  yes, it's true. and i couldn't be happier. why, you ask?  well, it's funny, but over the course of my lifetime, when i've left a job in the past and been faced with unemployment, i've pretty much freaked out.  i've freaked out because i was scared that no one would want me or need me (professionally speaking).  well, now i can say for the first time in my life i'm feeling entirely confident and comfortable with my place in the world.  first of all, i'm happily in my thrities.  i have to say, i'm a huge proponent of being in your thirties.  get here as soon as you can if you're not already present.  the party really doesn't start until you hit the big three-oh.  if you're past your thirties, and you're feeling resentment at this statement, deal with it.  no doubt you agree with me and you have infinite kernels of wisdom to share with me about your thirties... so bring it on.  no, seriously.  shed some light on the subject.  enlighten me.

anyways, as i was saying, i'm feeling good about my place in life for so many reasons.  most of all, i just feel legit.  more legit than ever.  just plain satisfied with life and the universe.  that could be, perhaps, in response to a recent attitude adjustment that goes something like this:

time and time again in my life i fall in love.  i fall out of love.  love starts.  love ends. i laugh and cry and learn along the way, and each time i begin something new, it's a million times better than the love i've felt before.  (case in point, one james s. allen, jr.) likewise, my work life evolves in much the same way.  i get a new job.  i revel in that job.  i fall out of love with my new job.  eventually, i leave that job or that company.  each new role or job is better than the one before.  and i give and get and learn more with every new venture.  bottom line: not only do i always bounce back, but i bounce back with a triple flip in the air on a gigantic trampoline.  in other words, i win!  :-) 

in light of all this, i simply can not be sad or disappointed when not working.  it's all temporary.  everything in life is temporary.  we don't know what will happen tomorrow, next week, or next month.  we can plan all we want--and always be prepared.  but, living in fear or too much anticipation of what's going to happen next, just won't get us anywhere.  so i'm enjoying the precious present for all it's worth.  i've stopped working about what's next in love and in life.  i'm enjoying the ride and the exploration, because i always end up better off in the end.

anyways.  blah blah blah.  what this really means is two things: no more annoyingly short weekends in sf and a lot more time enjoying my life here at home!  so cheers to that.